Every sad ending, mistake, or disappointment is a learning experience. Some of us learn this the hard way as adults. But wouldn’t it be wonderful if problem-solving skills were introduced to us at a very young age by our caregivers?
When my young patients and even my own children face struggles, I always pose these two questions: “What did you learn from this?” and “How can you use this in the future?” These are complex, open-ended questions designed to generate multiple positive responses to what might be considered a “negative event.”
These questions not only allow the child to learn early on that there is always something positive to glean from a negative experience, but also that there’s always a second chance to apply the lessons learned. This last point, especially, encourages hope.
Essentially, this problem-solving approach sends a powerful message to the brain: “This is a new piece of information. How are you going to use it, and how will it benefit you in the future?” Isn’t that fantastic? This method will train children to be positive individuals and to avoid getting stuck in negative experiences. It helps prevent learned helplessness, hopelessness, or feeling stuck, which are some of the known symptoms of depression.
So, when your child is facing a problem, validate their feelings, help them feel better, and then challenge them with these insightful questions.
Vanessa Alba
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(818) 927-1284
